Another Life

It has been a while since I last blogged….seems like it’s been another life ago. 

And it has.

My husband and I divorced in August 2012.  People change, some for the better; others,not.  This was the man I thought I would live the rest of my life with, but change played a huge role in bringing this marriage to an end.  I have never, and never will again, loved someone as much as I did this husband of mine.  I truly believe counseling and  a heartfelt commitment would have saved us, but when there is only one person willing to put that much energy into a relationship, the outlook is bleak.

I went through a really tough period after he left. I couldn’t afford to stay in the house we had rented –the one with the deep porch and backyard, garden, clothes line, and the gooseberry bush we planted together. Money was so tight, I had to sell almost everything I owned to pay rent and other bills. I had to give my beloved Dachshund Toby away since I couldn’t spend enough time with him. Luckily I found a wonderful couple who took him in and love him as much as I did (and still do).

Moving away from my neighborhood, my friends, my house was very traumatic for me.  I moved in with my sister and her family where I’m still staying. Because I couldn’t bring my cats, Molly and Lamont, with me, my (now former) boss took them in until I can get a place of my own.Things are looking up now.  I was promoted at my job, got a newer car, and have an apartment lined up and plan to move within the next month. I am so anxious to get back into my own place with my cats and get my life going again.

But I have so many regrets.  I regret the things I said to and about my husband, all in anger and frustration. There’s no un-ringing that bell for me. He is back in Ireland, and hasn’t spoken to me since he was getting ready to board his plane from Chicago to Dublin.  I was so relieved when he left; he had changed so much in the past 4 or 5 years, he was a different man. But I have to admit I love him still.  I worry about him, and think about him every day.  His favorite sister (and dear friend of mine) passed away a few days ago, and I needed his comfort and needed to comfort him.  Not a word from him.  

Would I take him back, if that option came up? Who knows. I certainly don’t know. What I do know is that I lost a most precious thing, and I need to move on to another life.

Advertisements