Survival Skills

Once again, I am luxuriating in the solitude of a day off.  With the exception of Toby, Molly, and Lamonte, I am all alone for the next 6 hours.   Believe me, I am appreciating every minute of it.

Now that my husband is gainfully (or painfully, depending who you ask) employed, I don’t have to spend my days off with him. Don’t get me wrong; I love my husband.  Tomorrow will be our 10th anniversary, and although I’ve told my fellow member of SMPCC* otherwise,  it’s not true that I can only stand to be married to one man for 10 years.  That being said, I will state that I believe marriage licenses should have a 10 year limit, then the participants in said institution can, if they wish, renew the license at no charge.  If they choose not to renew, there’s a $10K fee to do so.

I don’t have $10K…I don’t even have $10.  But if I had 10 grand, instead of  choosing not to renew our marriage license, I would spend it on things that would only guarantee another successful decade of marriage.

First and foremost would be separate vacations.

Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.  At the least, it makes you forget the annoying habits of the person who is absent, and makes their positive qualities (such as bathing, walking the dog, doing the dishes) seem like saintly aspirations. I have never had a separate vacation from either of my husbands, which probably explains why I’ve been married twice. The price for this? I’d say about $5000 . (Hey, we’re not talking something fancy, but I would love to see how far I send myself for $5000.)

A “driveway mechanic’s class”.

 Not for me, but for that sweet partner of mine who doesn’t realize the significance of  dashboard warning lights or strange thumping coming from the engine. I don’t know what goes on inside his pretty head when he’s driving, but I know it’s not acknowledging the smoke coming out from under the hood. Price? $500. Maybe even $750 if the instructor looked like Mike Rowe.

A STFU Stun gun.

I was raised in family where irritability and indignation were not only accepted, but encouraged.  Most of our spouses were made aware of this deadly combination before entering into the sacrament of marriage, or learned the hard way after exchanging vows.  We don’t give a rat’s ass about how you saved $1.10 by driving across town to get cheaper gas.  We don’t care if someone allegedly cut you off in traffic when your were going  35 MPH in a 40 MPH zone.  Zap!  STFU!  And a double zap goes out for every time you argue with a server at a restaurant about the price and quality of the food.  I would happily pay $50 per zap.  And that, dear readers, would pretty much take care of the rest of the $10K allotted.

Again, I love my husband.  Truly, deeply, and above all, madly.   We were married 10 years ago on a cold, blustery Valentine’s Day with my beloved children, sister, and friends in attendance.  It was one of the happiest days of my life.  But at the height of our reception, when my new husband began arguing with the caterer about their charges, I knew I was in for the long haul. But I would still choose to spend the next decade with him, in a heartbeat.

*Spousal Murder Prevention Coffee Clatsch”. Call me for information on joining.